One thing I am starting to realize as a toddler mom is Aubrey's increased searching for independence. Many (not all) of the tantrums we face are because of the word No and her search for what SHE wants and when SHE wants it. Again, not all tantrums are from this. Sometimes the tantrums are just because she is tired. Some of them seem to come from no actual source other than the need to have a tantrum. I have tried to add in a few ways to help foster this independence and also cut back significantly on tantrums.
One thing I have learned is to offer choices. Part of the tantrums Bree has had is with the use of the word no. Bree gets mad being told no too much and will have a fit. I try to stop this as much a possible by including her in the decisions. I will offer her easy choices such as: Which shirt do you want to wear, which color bowl do you want?, what do you want for a snack, Do you want juice or milk to drink?. I ultimately have veto power especially when it comes to picking out the snacks. Bree would probably eat cookies or popsicles all day long but obviously this isn't a healthy decision. If it seems she is making an unhealthy decision or too many unhealthy decisions in a row then I will narrow down the choices she is able to have. I have found this to really help and Bree seems to really enjoy being included in the decision making.
Another way I have tried to foster Bree's independence is to include her in activities and allow her to start doing things on her own. When I am on the computer I will have her sit next to me. Not only does she ask for this but it makes her feel like a big girl. Bree has been brushing her teeth on her own, turns on and off the light when I am holding her, picking up her own toys, attempting to brush her own hair, climb into her highchair (with me standing behind her), buckle herself in, and so many other things. It has given her more confidence in her strength and abilities. It has made her (I'm assuming) feel empowered and with that has come a better attitude and less tantrums as she has felt more independent. These are all super little things but to this little girl, it is a lot!
As previously noted, I am not a professional in this world of tantrums. My kid still has tantrums and it can be seriously frustrating. They sometimes come on for no reason or come on because of her being too tired. This, though, has helped me and my daughter and helping her find her feel more comfortable, and when she does hear no it has been a little easier.