My thoughts as baby #2 appears

I may still be a few months out from meeting baby #2, but I still can't help but keep feeling more and more emotions about this as the time draws closer.  I am sure this is a normal feeling but something I still feel the need to share, especially for those that may feel alone about this.  I know that this is overall going to be a great thing for our family to welcome a new little one.  After having two losses and suffering alot of heartache because of it I feel alot of joy and feel blessed that we are able to welcome this baby.  I still at the same time feel some negative thoughts that need to be shared.  

Stress about time
​Let's be honest, having one kid is hard enough.  I feel like I have my hands full with someone needing constant attention, needing to follow me everywhere I go even if that somewhere is to pee, fighting about some of the craziest things plus the basic things of needing to be changed, fed, and bathed.  It does not make anything easier when my daughter is such a mommy's girl and only wants mommy to do all of the things above.  How am I supposed to do all this while also needing to give the attention to another child? Am I going to have the time to deal with double the work, especially being a full time working mommy?

​ You know when they say that mommy should sleep when the baby sleeps? How is that supposed to happen when I also have a toddler to look after.  

Stress about neglecting my oldest
Part of my anxiety is about not wanting my oldest daughter, Bree to feel neglected in some way.  For the past almost 3 years, she has received ALL the attention.  When she needed something I was right there.  I did not have as many distractions  I gave all my love to her.  If mommy is around, Bree only wants mommy to be the one to take care of things.  I can only be the one to change her, feed her, put her to bed, bathe her, or do just about anything for her.  This will have to stop when the baby is born.  I plan on nursing so I will be the only one able to feed the baby, and when the baby is hungry she won't be able to wait too long.  I already feel a sense of guilt if I have to tell her no because mommy isn't feeling good from the pregnancy.  Does Bree already feel neglected by this pregnancy? Am I going to be able to show Bree the same amount of love and attention as before when I also have to show another human love and attention as well? 

I am not necessarily concerned that Bree will act like the typical "spoiled brat.". We have tried really hard to raise her to have manners, to not take down the vibe of entitlement down a bit, do say please and thank you and to be an overall nice girl and show love.  We tried to teach her to be gentle and kind.  I know there is still that chance that she will have some acting out after the baby.  I know this is a phase.  What I am concerned about is her overall mental health and well being as a child.  

Maybe I sound crazy.  I mean families all over have more that one kid and those siblings can all grow up to be great people.  They can grow up to feel alot of love and then there is the love between the siblings and attention each other gives that can fill in that void.  I have siblings myself, however I was 10 yrs old when my first sibling was born and 12 when the second came.  By this time I was more self sufficient.  By this time I was just more excited for a sibling rather than worried about the attention to fade.  At 10 and 12 years old I was starting to want less attention.  I'm sure part of it is not having experience with all of this.  Another part is that I am just a worried parent that wants the best for her children, wants to give the best and hope I can continue to still give the best.  

Stress About Money
Ok, I think this one is a basic stress that people feel whether or not they have kids but I do feel there is a heightened concern with two kids.  The first year, is not usually too terrible.  I plan on breastfeeding which is what I did with Bree.  It helped to save money on formula.  I only gave Bree formula when my supply was running low as a supplement but my milk is free in regards to cost.  It is NOT free in regards to time but that is a different story.  Once the baby does start eating I kept my costs down by making my own baby food.  I bag of carrots is pretty cheap and went a long way.  When I really started noticing a change in the finances was about a 1.5-2yrs old when Bree ate three full meals a day plus snacks and things like juice.  Our grocery bill drastically increased.  Plus there is the cost of diapers and wipes.  Hopefully we can get Bree potty trained soon (we started it but it wasn't successful.  That is a different story).  Two kids in diapers is a BIG cost.  One alone was a big cost.  We had a baby shower for Bree and had so many diapers we didn't have to buy any for a good 4+ months, but that is not the case for this baby.  Let's not forget about day care.  My father in law has been the babysitter of Bree for almost the first 3 years.  Now that we moved out of state this is not going to be the case.  We have Bree starting school full time this year but it is a private school and will be a cost.  Plus the cost of saving for things like college.  I am getting anxiety just writing this...

No one every said kids will be easy.  I never expected having kids to be easy or cheap.  No one really knows what to expect until you have them.  No book can fully prepare you.  I have learned parenting is based on experience and since I have no experience with parenting more than one kid, I feel out of control and powerless.  Please feel free to share or comment any thoughts, words of encouragement, ideas, personal experiences, etc.  This post was for me to get my feelings out but to make others who are feeling the same thing know that they are not alone.